Back Alleys and Sunshine

In the grey Vancouver winter my neighbourhood is quiet. We stay inside.  We use our backyards to access our vehicles in the garages that line the back alley.  We sneak out back to take out/bring  in the garbage.  We think of the back alley spaces as a means to an end.  Then the rain stops and the sun starts to shine. And the beauty of our neighbourhood and our back alleys becomes clear.  

I love the...

• laughter of kids playing street hockey and the calling of "cars" in multiple languages
• back yards of the Vancouver Specials, which are really just drive ways, lined on either side with thin patches of gardens planted full of tomatoes, peas and carrots
• conversations with neighbours over the back fence
• sound of multiple lawn mowers almost creating a symphony together
• way kids don't see race, culture or religion, but instead see a friend to ride bikes with, even if they can't pronounce each other's names
• water washing down the alley from cars being washed
• laundry that appears almost by magic on the line the instant the sun peaks out for an hour
• smiles and hellos as you walk along the alley
• kids knocking on the gate asking if my son wants to play
• sound of children yelling, screaming, crying and laughing
• that the sense of neighbourhood and community is not lost

I love the back alleys of South East Vancouver.

The Politics of Pink

My son is a stereotypical boy. He is into trains, trucks, robots, lego, excavators, dinosaurs, concrete mixers (don't dare call it a cement mixer in our house). He is a high energy boy who runs, jumps, dances (like Maniac from Flash Dance), roars like a monster, growls like a pirate and does a perfect impression of a transformer transforming.  And his favourite colour is pink. 

So yeah that last part isn't so stereotypical.  But I love that he loves pink.  And while I'd like to take all sorts of credit for being a gender neutral mom. It is his two girl friends at daycare that are likely the reason. They like pink.  So he likes pink. 

Personally I love a man in a pink button down with a matching tie.  But there are no pink clothes for boys.  And most of the girl t-shirts in pink, also include some sort of princess element.  And when I suggested a pink shirt that had a princess he emphastically said NO.  During a recent trip to Old Navy he picked out flip flops, blue with grey stripe track pants, Ewok t-shirt, 2 soccer balls and a stuffed Penquin. Since we weren't shopping for clothes (or toys), we compromised with the Ewok t-shirt.  We were there to buy new underwear.  We found it all in the girl's section.  His pick - pink girl's underwear. 

Was I an open minded parent? No. I distracted him with some blue stripes.  I worried about what people might say if they see him wearing pink girl's underpants.  I didn't worry about what they say to me.  I worried about what he would hear them say about him.  I've already had a few discussions with people I know about whether I should be concerned about his love of pink.  And for the record I'm not worried about that.

What I don't want is him thinking there is anything wrong with liking pink, just because society says pink is a girl's colour.   I'd love him to have the option to pick shirts or sweaters that include pink.  But pink underwear seemed over the line to me.   It seemed too open to critism from others.  Other kids and other adults. 

So for now, until someone designs some boy's clothes that include pink. I'll be on the lookout in the girl's department for cute pink/non-princess items that Lil T might like.  That is, of course, if he still likes pink next week.  As things change fast at 3.

Lilli'Q Cafe and Playhouse

Had a playdate today at the new Lilli'Q Cafe and Playhouse in Yaletown.  Great idea considering the number of parents living downtown and the number of truly kid friendly options in the area.

I had a nice chai latte - disappointed my 'to stay' cup was paper - and a couple of mini muffins. Nice quality products but would like to see more selection of food for both young and old.  Just a wider range of baked goods would be great. 

Was offered a free massage - great, but not the right day for me as I was there to meet and chat with my friend.

My son happily played in the toys amongst the other kids.   Which was a nice break for me.  My friend's son who was older at 4 was quickly bored as most of the other kids were between 0-2.

We didn't need a potty break while we were there, but saw a lovely open change area with a stool to the sink.  And it worked well with multiple people in the area at one time.

The biggest challenge I saw was the space for strollers.  There is a great stroller parking area but you have to go all the way through the space to get to it.  And it is a skinny space.  I watched about 10 minutes of stroller traffic jam when a number of people were arriving and leaving at the same time.  This is a challenge that will only get harder as more people frequent the cafe. 

Will I go again - absolutely.  Will it be a destination for a morning out - probably not. 

The Perils of a Big Surprise

So over the weekend we flew to Alberta as a surprise for my hubbie's family.  His grandmother really wanted us there for her Christmas dinner (this is the year everyone is going away for Christmas so family dinners were scheduled earlier).    So she decided to fly us out as a surprise.   

Surprises are always somewhat complicated - what is the cover story/what are the real details/who knows/who can't be told for any reason?????  But for us the surprise was further complicated by social media, forgetfulness and the weather. 

Who was in on it?  Omi, me, hubbie and his father (as this was a celebration with the mom's side of the family we felt he would be a good reliable conspirator) 

#1 - Social Media Silence

Why social media?  While my hubbie's family couldn't be told, his friends could.  But hubbie didn't think he needed to tell his friends it was a surprise, as they don't talk to his family.  He forgot about that big melting pot of friends and family... facebook.  So I kept getting facebook wall questions about our trip.  Thankfully they all got removed before they were seen. 

Then there is my affection for twitter.  After I tweeted about waiting on the phone for West Jet for 2 hours, it occured to me I would have to go into "twitter radio silence" about our trip.  Now my brother and sister-in-law aren't super active on twitter, but they might notice if I was tweeting about a trip to Calgary.   And since I tweet about almost everything it was hard to keep my big mouth shut for 2 weeks.

#2 - The car seat

Got to the airport and as we were checking in we realized we had left the car seat in the car... which had by now left and was driving home.  PANIC!!!  Now my sister-in-law (SIL) in Calgary usually has an extra seat... but we can't call her or we'd give up the surprise.

So my father-in-law had to stop and buy us a new car seat on his way to airport to pick us up.   Now we really didn't need a new car seat, as we already have 2 at home.  But he didn't have time to rent one and couldn't figure out a viable lie to get the one from SIL.

So with our brand new car seat we were driven to Red Deer, met by Omi and then drove out to her place at the lake.  Got settled into the house... realized how dreadful the dial-up internet was and waited for people to start to show up the next day.  But they didn't!!! 

#3 - The Storm

A huge snow storm hit Southern Alberta on the Friday and highways were closed or labelled critical. 

Now what do you do when you are stuck inside in a snow storm?  Go online is likely a common answer.  Besides it being painfully slow, I also couldn't bitch about the weather or the family will figure something out.  So what do I do?   I gloat about the Vancouver weather of course!   Hey I had to do something... Mommy boredom mixed with a toddler going stir crazy is a bad mix. Something had to be done.

#4 - The Dinner

The big dinner was planned for Sunday and the fingers were all crossed that the weather would clear. It did. But then the family started to talk about car pooling... well that would 'kill' our ride back to Calgary.   Again we couldn't ask anyone to leave space in their car for the 3 of us and our luggage.   Thankfully Omi talked them out of that without giving anything away (that woman really does lie well on the fly... kind of scary reall).

#5 - The Surprise

Hubbie's mom arrive at the house a few hours before the dinner.  Omi told her she was babysitting a neighbours kid and we let the little guy run into the room.  She stared at him and said "Boy does that little kid ever look like T".  Then I stuck my head out and my MIL's jaw dropped to her knees.  The best part of a surprise is when it is a real surprise.  Same went with her husband as he arrived from the car a few moments later.

The rest of the family was met at the restaurant with similar surprise and excitement.  I can't believe that Omi had done such an excellent job at lying that there were even gifts for us there (she had told everyone she was coming out to vancouver on Dec 26th for the holidays and to bring our gifts with them.... she really really is a good liar). 

Dinner was fantastic. Seeing everyone was fantastic.  Omi was so happy with everything.  Plus because of the storm she got to spend a very intimate weekend with her great grand son. 

As for us. Thankfully we were able to squeeze our stuff (split between 3 cars) and ourselves back to Calgary, where we had a little after party at my SIL's house.  It really was a lovely Christmas family celebration.  

And then we realized bear and bunny got left behind at Omi's house.... but that is another story.

Bright Nights Vancouver Tweet up

I think our little guy is big enough to enjoy the Christmas train at Stanley Park this year. So I'm trying to organize a tweet-up.   As the train sells out early, I thought it would be good to organize and purchase tickets early. 

Please indicate in the comments below if you are interesting in coming, the time that works best for you,  the number of adults/kids over 2 and if you are interested in purchasing advance tickets as a group or will arrange your own.

• Date - December 18th (alternate date Wed December 16th)
• Time - Meet at 4:00 and get tickets for the (a) 5-5:30pm slot or  (b) 5:30 - 6pm slot.   We can visit the children's farm and other attractions until our time comes up. And those that are working can still meet up with us before the train time slot.
• Cost: $8 adults (+1.6 convenience fee) and $5 kids 2-18 and seniors (+1 convenience fee)

As tickets will sell out quickly for a Friday night I suggest we try to buy a group of tickets in advance - will need to confirm numbers for advance tickets by Monday Dec 7th.  Then if others decide to come along last minute, they can take make arrangements for same day tickets. 

Update Dec 7th - So I left the advance ticket purchase too late.  It was looking fine before I left for the weekend trip to rural aka 'dial-up hell' Alberta.  But yesterday 5 and 5:30 were gone.  Going to try through ticketmast phone line one last time today, but likely I'll be purchasing tickets at noon on the 18th at the box office (they keep a good chunk of tickets for same day sale).   

Moms in the media

It was so nice to attend Momcafe last Friday without having to worry how my little guy was settling in with the child care. After two experiences of him having to sit with me through the presentations, I made other child care arrangements (convenient that Grandma was in town that day). So I was able to network with other moms and enjoy the presentations without distractions.

Today’s speakers were Moms behind the Headlines: Andrea Vance, Publisher of WestCoast Families; and Tamara Taggart, CTV Weathercaster.

Andrea talked about her path to becoming an entrepreneur and publisher. Tamara talked more about how she makes it work today.

It was interesting to hear Andrea talk about her late days and nights working at EA. How that lead to a late night life discussion over Rum and Cokes, with her now husband. And how that led to her quitting her high paying job with nothing to go to and no plan.

The biggest transitions for her were:

• Learning to work from home. How to get out of bed and out of your PJs everyday. She realized she had to think about it as ‘work’ and to prepare herself for each day, as she was going to the office. And some days that might mean staying in her sweats for the day.
• Thought she could plan her transition to being a parent. She had 9 months to get organized. She isn’t a big planner, but feels that her work plan went well. The home plan did not go to plan, and the anticipated labour distribution plan had to be adjusted after the baby was born.

For her balance is about dealing with whatever has to get done and that she goes to bed feeling like she (and her child) ate and that things got done that needed to be done.

For her the question should not be what is next? But what is next next? What is the passion or ultimate goal?

It was interesting listening to Tamara and really relating to a number of the things she said about her life. She works in the ‘soul sucking business of TV’ (I used to work in the soul sucking business of advertising). And she waited until she was older to have kids, only because she didn’t meet the right person until she was older (same story for me). She is a worry wart and had challenges realizing that when you have kids you have to give up some of the control (amen sister).

She believes she can have it all. You just have to prioritize differently.

It was interesting listening to her story about her oldest child Beckett who was diagnosed with Downs Syndrome 5 days after he was born. Her pregnancy had been easy, and all the tests had been good. So she and her husband were completely unprepared and knew nothing about downs syndrome.  She had to learn fast. The difference in her situation is that she had to go through it in front of the public.

She addressed why she went back to work after 4 months after both children - “because they needed the money”. It is the most expensive time of your life and you only qualify for EI. So she went back to work. I appreciated that while not everyone in the room would agree with her, she was unapologetic. It was her choice for her family. She doesn’t judge others decisions and she doesn’t expect anyone should judge hers. (note to those who want to express their opinion to her in the grocery store – make sure she isn’t holding a jug of milk).

She talked about the Regis show as a ‘big show with a small town mentality’. They really made her feel comfortable and she was surprised by how laid back they were. And that helped revitalize her idea of what she does. And to her it is very important to love what she does.

How does she manage with her busy schedule?

• She has a team. Her mom, a part time nanny and of course her husband.
• Being home for bedtime is mandatory. Most nights both parents are home for bedtime, but there is always at least one of them there.
• Prioritizing her time – cause frankly she’d rather shop for the kids than herself these days.
• Nothing comes before her family.  And work knows this.  "It is what it is".  Although she does have to remind herself of that every so often.

One of the questions for Tamara was how she handles privacy for her family. She is a pretty open person (says she answer anything but her weight). She doesn’t want to hide her children, nor make Beckett a poster child for downs syndrome. But he is fantastic and wants other people to see that. Of course being in the public she does have to consider safety issues, and has had stalkers. 

Like all parents she doesn’t seem to have a concrete answer to all the questions. She notes that she replaced her Us magazines with mommy blogs and loves to learn from them. On the flip side she doesn’t have the answers, but if someone can learn from her then great.

 Both Tamara and Andrea seem, like most parents, to take it day by day and try to make the best decisions for their families and themselves.   Doing something you are patient about is key no matter what you do.

Toilet Training Update

Once again I'm blogging about toilet training.  To try and keep this blog as poop free as possible click my cloth diapering blog for further details.

Warning warning - diaper content below

I decided to write about experience so far with toilet training.  As I try to keep this blog as poop free as possible I did it over at my cloth diaper blog.  

To stroll or not to stroll

Today I decided to go the aquarium with the little guy.  It was pouring rain.  We spent most of the day at home yesterday.  Hubbie had been out late last night, so I thought the little man and I would get out of the house and give us all a break.  I have a membership at the aquarium, but it my first time going on a Sunday.  I can go any day of the week I want.  WHY did I pick a Sunday?

So yeah, it was a bit busy.  Mostly with parents (and a large percentage of Dads) getting out of the house with the kids.  First stop was the kids area for the family time at 10:30 - and stroller parking.

The stroller seemed like a good decision when I was racing through the wet rainy parking lot.  It helped us keep up a decent pace.  I didn't have to chase him everywhere and he could sit and snack between attractions.  But I had to lift him in and out of the stroller a lot of times.  Plus it was crowded and waiting for elevators is annoying.  There were a lot of other young kids running/walking/being carried around without a stroller. And I wondered if perhaps that would have been a smarter choice. 

We aren't stroller dependent folks.  And our little guy likes to walk.  What do you think?  With a 2 year old.  Do you take the stroller or go free at the aquarium?

The unique mind of a 2 year old

I started taking notes on the cute and funny things our little guy does... in part so I won't forget, as I seem to have stopped updating the baby book and realize I have forgotten a lot of fun details.

So today's blog will be a list of little things our little guy is doing that make us laugh. 

• His relationship with his stuffed animals has recently ramped up to BFF... although the actual BFF changes several times a day.  He seems to take at least 1 stuffed animal everywhere.   He will go from putting a diaper on his purple monkey, to having a tea part with his bear in an instant (my favourite is when he takes the stuffed animal to the toilet with him, and they have to sit right beside him and 'try').
• Begging for a treat and then not eating it - he carries it around like a little treasure.  Which is okay if the treat is an organic oatmeal cranberry mini cookie, but not when it is one of the few Halloween treats he has been given.
• He is careful to avoid any misunderstanding saying 'in his mouth' and pointing to it at the same time when he asks for a treat.
• His favourite thing to read while sitting on the toilet is the lego holiday catalogue.
• He LOVES his books. He loves to take them all off the bookshelf and then sit and read... he is sometimes happy to sit and read his books to himself for 15 minutes.  15 wonderful, quiet and blissful minutes.  (he also likes to rip all the adult books off the shelf in the hallways. His favs are harry potter and anne rice - for some reason the tolkien doesn't appeal to him. )
• Loves to sing... he knows enough words and melody for us to know when he is singing twinkle, twinkle.... old mcdonald and zoom zoom zoom
• Whenever he counts to 3 he ends it with 'blast off' and a jump in the air. 
• He cries like the world is ending when he gets a booger. 
• He wanted to walk my Dad's dog when we were in Victoria last weekend.  So cute the little white Bijon Frise pulling the 2yo along.

Is it Monday again? What I did this weekend.

On the weekend the little man and I took a trip over the Island to visit some of the Grandparents.  This was my first experience travelling on my own with a toddler.

The trip didn't start out well when I bought tickets for the wrong ferry. Thankfully Dad had walked us to the ferry and could watch the little man. Meanwhile I SPRINTED back to the ticket desk to get them fixed before the 10 minute cut off.  I don't sprint often and certainly not that distance, so I was pretty out of breath.  But I got there in time.  I guess the run must have dried my throat out because as we were standing in the cafeteria line up I started to cough... just that gotta get that tickle out of my throat kind of cough. Which of course only goes away when you either get out a really good cough. Or you get water.  So the people around us in line gave us lots of space, leary that I was going to give them some plague or something.

For both ferry rides we rode one of the new ferries.  It certainly was fresh and shiny new.  Not sure that I love the layout.  But I may just need to get used to it.  

Some pluses on the new ferries: 

• 2 separate play areas
• seats within the play around and just outside so those of us with smaller kids can stay close
• parents room - was nice to have a larger space washroom to take the little guy when he said he had to go (of course once there he was much more interested in the shiny new bathroom. And then the flush scared the crap out of him - I had to laugh as he jumped).
• Sun deck was fun, although windy.

The downside:

• You have to walk outside a pretty long way when you enter/depart the boat. Not a big deal normally, but when you have a 2yo dying to touch everything and everything blowing in the wind it was a pain in the butt.
• Seemed like I had to walk a lot of stairs. 

I sat in the cafeteria on our return trip - while the 2yo tested out a new theory on maximum blast radius of a muffin - and watched the cafeteria staff.  The cashier that had served us was very efficient, courteous and nice.  First he was patient with us - me balancing a 2yo in one hand, a tray with soup and a muffin in the other and somehow managing to pour myself tea and then pay.  Then I watched a lady return her sushi because the rice was hard.  He quickly and politely told her to replace it with something else.  And then when she came back he refunded her the price of her original purchase and compted her replacement salad.  I didn't see him run off to get permission.  I didn't see a big fuss made. He simply took care of an unhappy customer.  WOW!  A true customer service experience on BC Ferries.  Of course that immediately got offset by my grumpy and useless cashier in the gift shop (another story for another time).

The big lesson is that a 3rd or 4th arm is really helpful when dealing with a toddler and travelling. 

Power Struggles

Day 3 of National Blog Month

We have been watching an interesting power struggle in our house recently. I never knew the policitics of stuffed animals could be so interesting.

Since the little man was 6 months old he has slept with a little brown bear. Around a year a little bunny joined the ranks. These are his sleeping friends. He also plays with them around the house. They do not go outside to play. They stay at home. (seen at right trying to escape outside through the cat door)

In the past month or so the little man has discovered more of his other stuffed toys. There is now big brown bear who likes to eat breakfast with the little man. The monkey with the long arms and legs that likes to 'hug' the cat. And the giraffe that enjoys juice and cookies. None of these are sleeping friends. Just casual play buddies.

Until 2 days ago. When he discovered yellow bear. Yellow bear became his new BFF. And when it came to nap time he wanted him with him. Not wanting to add to his already large assortment of sleeping items I said yellow bear wasn't for sleeping. The little man started to cry. He didn't pitch a fit just started to cry. And I just knew that no sleep was going to happen without yellow bear. So I offered a trade - bunny for yellow bear. No go! Then I suggested brown bear for yellow bear. And faster than you can say brown bear he was OUT!

His loyal friend of 1.5 years was sitting out a nap, so the little man could sleep with his new BFF yellow bear. I felt bad for poor brown bear so quickly pushed aside.

Then just as quickly as it happened it changed back. Yellow bear was back in the toy box and brown bear was back in the bed. Haven't seen yellow bear in 2 days, but brown bear has been up to his usual antics and fun. Currently he is helping the little man fill his dump truck with lego pieces.

Why I LOVE Mondays!!

Monday my son goes to Montessori. He spends the whole day with his friends playing, learning, listening, sharing, laughing – generally growing into an independent little person. He LOVES it!

And so do I! It give me time to get some things done –job searching, networking, blogging, volunteer work and yeah sometimes even housework.

Yes I miss him. But I know that he gains a lot being there.

1. He is around other kids and is learning key social skills early in life. I am also an only child and I know he is already better at sharing than I ever will be.


2. His teacher is better at some things than I am. She is consistent. She sets a structured set of boundaries. The kids know what is coming next and what is expected of them. I know it is because of her that he is such a good listener. He understands that certain behavior is unacceptable and he is much easier to manage at home.


3. She works with us on behavior issues. When we came home from a recent trip he had picked up a few things from his cousins/friends. We alerted her and she helped us stop them before they become a regular occurrence.


4. He learns positive behavior from the older kids. They listen, they help, and they share. He wants to please his teacher and the older kids. This includes learning to be polite. We laughed with pride yesterday when he said ‘sorry thomas’ after he bumped into his Thomas lego on the floor.


5. He is growing his creative side through singing, crafts, dancing, colouring, books, etc. He is comfortable in his environment and feels safe to imagine what he will. Yes – we do much of this at home. But I don’t seem to have the same patience and creativity to keep him interested and challenged each day.


6. Most importantly he knows he is loved whether at home or at school.
   

My job in all this!! Not to mess up his teacher’s work during the rest of the week. I try to focus on staying consistent, providing a structured loving environment and giving him opportunities to grow his creative interests.

So I LOVE Mondays! Because both of us win!

I met Erica Ehm

So yes the title is a bit sensationalist. But it sounded much more interesting than A Feminist Self Analysis. And meeting Erica Ehm is what started it all.

So the story begins the evening I met with various other Moms from the Yummy Mummy club. The occasion was the founder of the Yummy Mummy Club Erica Ehm was in town. We had a lovely dinner, mostly with women who I had met on twitter but never met in person before. Dinner, like the yummy mummy club, had interesting and varied conversation. We were empathetic, supportive and cheerleaders for each other. We were women, who happened to be Moms, having nice adult conversation.

The night got me thinking though (stewing for several weeks actually). I consider myself a feminist that respects and supports the decisions of other women. I spent volunteer time supporting and mentoring young women and an organization committed to promoting women in leadership (Women in Leadership Foundation). But when I think back to the time when Erica was breaking ground at Much Music I certainly wasn’t supportive - nor were many other young women I knew. My teenage friends and I gave Erica a pretty hard time (not directly of course). Instead of realizing how great it was to have a girl playing with the boys at Much Music. We gossiped about everything she wore, said, did or didn’t do. I don’t know how I would have held up under such tough scrutiny when I was in my early 20s. But Erica excelled and grew in her career. She paved the way for other women to follow their dreams. Today she continues to support other women through her Yummy Mummy Club. (and NO I didn’t have the balls to admit this to Erica or ask her about those early days in her career)

Of course it is easy to look back and say that was over 20 years ago and times have changed. But have they?

Think about when Katie Couric took over the anchor desk at CBS Evening News. The news and media were skeptical. She was scrutinized for everything she wore, said, dated, did and didn’t do. I’ve never seen such a critical analysis of a male anchor before. But Katie must be doing something right because another major network has decided to take the “risk” on a woman at the anchor desk. Diane Sawyer, one of the most respected women in journalism, has finally been offered the ABC anchor desk. That is now 2/3 of nightly network news anchored by women.

And look at Hilary Clinton in the news this summer about her trip to Africa. She is the US Secretary of State and was asked what her husband thought about a specific policy. The media focused on that one incident for weeks. The reason behind for the trip lost while they raked her over the coals – she was even accused of having a bad hair day.

I guess the short note is that women continue to break ground, paving the way for the future. And while we have come a long way, we have a long way yet to go. And we need to start with ourselves. Do we support the women in our lives? Do we support the ones breaking ground in your community? Society? Country? We need to stop judging each other. And like the yummy mummy club start listening, supporting and cheerleading each others dreams and choices. It is that sort of positive support that will only make it easier for us to realize our individual dreams. And lay an even stronger foundation for ourselves and the next generation of women.

Applications for New Friends

When you become a new Mom you usually make new friends with other Moms. New Mom friends usually have similar age kids, are available for play dates on schedules close to yours or like the same social media networks you do. New friends’ often have similar parenting values so you can exchange stories, get advice and cry on an empathetic shoulders.

My real life BFF lives across the country. And finding that true new Mom BFF is harder than getting a dance in the 7th grade. So what to do?????? I decided to accept applications.

New Friend Application Form

Just like any good yet useless magazine survey, please answer the following questions as truthfully as possible. See the answer guide to see if you might fit the profile of a new friend for me. If yes, then please apply in the comments below.

1 – Are you a perfect parent?

a) Yes
b) No

If you answered yes please proceed directly to the bonus question as I can’t be the only imperfect one in a friendship.

2 – Which best describes you?

a) Stay at home mom
b) Work at home mom
c) Mom Entrepreneur
d) Work outside the home
e) Not a parent
f) Other:

There is no correct answer here. Just gives me an idea if you will be available for play dates during the week or weekends. Or if it is best to reach you on twitter around midnight?

3 – How would you describe your sense of humour?

a) Give me a glass a wine and I’ll laugh at anything
b) Sarcasm is my friend
c) Life is funny
d) An episode of “I Love Lucy”
e) Black comedy
f) Left my sense of humour in the maternity ward

If you picked (f) I’m not sure how you got this far into this ‘tongue & cheek’ application.

4 – Please indicate your favourite obsession?

a) Shoes
b) Chocolate
c) Wine
d) TV
e) Shopping
f) Do I have to pick just one?
g) None of the above

If you picked ‘none of the above’ thank you for completing this application, but the position has been filled by a more qualified candidate.

5 – A friend’s child does something embarrassing in public. You?

a) Laugh
b) Share your friends horror/shame/embarrassment
c) Check to make sure kid is okay - then laugh with your friend when the kid isn’t looking
d) RT the story on Twitter later
e) Tell a story about how your child did the same thing when….
f) Buy her a book in child behaviour
g) Glare

My first reaction is usually to laugh – sometimes I check that the kid is okay first. But happy to entertain new friends who answered all but (f) and (g).

6 – Do you do any of the following?

a) Cloth diaper
b) Co-sleep
c) No sugar diet for kids
d) Let kids watch TV
e) Attachment parent
f) Bake
g) Home school

If you are like me this answer doesn’t matter. You parent the way you feel is right for you and we will share our stories and experiences as we both learn along the way.

7 – Do you use any of the following?

a) Email
b) Facebook
c) Twitter
d) Blog
e) Ning
f) Flickr
g) Huh???

All answers are considered okay, but if you answered only (a) or (G) you might be a bit hard to understand when I share my latest escapades in parenting with a RT to a blog with a flickr photo album.

8 - Do you play cards or board games?

a) Yes

b) No

Not a deal breaker for me. But my hubbie would LOVE if I had more friends that like a good night of canasta, euchre or poker.

Bonus question

9 – Who is your favourite Doctor?

Any woman who answers any of the 10 Doctors to date (can’t count the 11th yet as his episodes haven’t aired yet) IS a friend of mine. And if you didn’t know this was a Doctor Who question I can forgive you, as this was just a bonus question.

If you feel you fit the bill to be my new Mum BFF, please apply in the comment section below. If you feel I have gone too far with this application process you are free to opt out.

Please note that only those selected for a wine/chocolate/shopping filled interview will be contacted.

Branding my Kid

I’ve worked in advertising most of my adult life. I’ve even worked on a few well known kids’ brands. I was still shocked by the amount of branded baby gear out there. When I first got pregnant I spent a lot of time searching online for the perfect nursery room set. I knew my child would be inundated with brand messages all his life. But does it really have to start as soon as they exit the womb? I mean do you really want the first thing they see clearly to be a Disney character mobile? I didn’t. So my guy’s nursery was decorated in a great blue, red, folksy farm animal nursery set.

His life hasn’t been brand free. But we’ve been selective and careful not to inundate him too soon.

Fast forward to today. We will be celebrating our guy’s 2nd birthday in a few weeks. And I’m surprised that he is already developing his own brand loyalty. No outside marketing. Just word of mouth from things in his everyday life. And I have to admit most of it is our own fault.

It will be no surprise to my husband’s family that his first brand love is Lego. His Dad has been obsessed with it since his own childhood. And you can see by the photo of his 1970’s space collection, that that obsession continues today. Our guy started to play with his own Lego at about 18 months. Today one of his favourite toys is his “Lego truck”. He knows when there are pieces missing. And loves to get me to read the little “Lego book” that came with the toy and he points to the different pieces and names them, ie: horsie, tractor, doggie. Now at this point he really doesn’t understand the brand promise or competitive differentiation of Lego vs other similar products like Mega Blocks. But he knows this building stuff is something he really likes and will happily point it out when he sees it in a store, picture or at a friend’s house. And interestingly he hasn’t mistaken any other building toy brands for Lego.

The 2nd brand in his life are his crocs. He knows the difference between boots and shoes….and his crocs. He knows the crocs are different than the other shoes and asks for them accordingly. When he loses one he shouts out “crocs”. This way we know he is without a shoe. My theory here is that he likes to name the shoes he can put on by himself – boots and crocs. He will pull on either and run around the house to let Mommy know he wants to go to the park or outside. In this case I think his brand association has developed as a way to show off and get what he wants… to go to the park.

Finally our little guy LOVES trains. My husband got a couple of Thomas the Train books at the church garage sale. And since then we constantly hear “choo, choo, choo…”. After a few months of static book trains we decided to let him see some moving trains on TV. At 22 months this was our guy’s first introduction to TV. And each day he asks for his 10 minutes of “Train… TV… Train… TV”. I tried to show him Mighty Machines and Bob the Builder. But NO. Only “Train… choo choo” will do. He loves to sit on the couch with Mommy or Daddy and watch his trains. In this case I’m not really sure if he is in love with “Thomas and his friends” or just trains in general. But I know that the song is still stuck in my head.

Honestly there were highlights

This post is part of the Carnival of Maternity Leave over at Strocel.com. Visit for more posts on maternity leave from August 3- 15th.

I re-read my post on the Highlights and lowlights of mat leave. And I realized it was really just about the lowlights or lessons learnt. I certainly had some bleak moments in that year, and I obviously needed to get some of that out and into the ethernet. But there were lots of good times too.


1 - mat leave top up


My organization topped up my mat leave for 17 weeks. This was very helpful financially and one of the reasons my husband was able to take 5 weeks off when the little man was born. I married a younger man not as far along in his career. So the loss of my income for a year was daunting. The top-up really helped us out.

2 - exercise helps


On the day I went into labour I had to call my pilates studio and cancel my lesson for that night. And just days before I had been dancing at a friend's place (hubbie and I swing dance). So as soon as the Doctor said it was okay I was back to my exercise. The little man and I took Salsa Babies every Friday. And hubbie did bedtime routine on Wednesday's so I could go to pilates. This little break each week did wonders for my spirit and my body.


3 - time off to travel


We took 3 weeks in the spring to travel to Germany to visit relatives. It was a bit tough financially (the top-up helped), but felt it was the best time to go when I was on mat leave and before the little guy started to walk. It was a fantastic break from the daily routine. And we had so much fun as a family treking around with the little man in his ergo carrier.


4 - finding my groove


With over 15 years in my career I'm used to making fast decisions based on past experience. When you are a new mom you have all sorts of conflicting advice coming from all directions. Books tell you to do things this way, Omi tells you another. It takes a while to figure out your parenting style, the one that works for you, your hubbie and your child. For us getting the sleep sorted was like the foundation to our parenting house. After that we had (a) some sleep and (b) some routine, so we were able to think more clearly through the rest.


5 - cloth diapers


Some may think that I'm grasping here noting cloth diapers as a highlight. But it really was. We started with a service and the intention to CD part time. And we were surprised by how much we both LOVED it. Yup it took a bit more work. And yup it took a bit to get settled into a routine. But in the end it fits perfectly into our parenting style and we are happy to do our bit for the planet.


The best part of all


And of course the best part of my mat leave was my little man. My very active, very head strong, very determined, eating, sleeping, running, talking, laughing little man (who is currently tugging on my shirt to turn his stuffed transformer back into a robot). Going to go give him a hug!!

Highlights and Lowlights of Mat Leave

This post is part of the Carnival of Maternity Leave over at Strocel.com. Visit for more posts on maternity leave from August 3- 15th.

As I sit here trying to look back at my maternity leave I realize it has been almost a year since it ended. I tried to find one theme that ran throughout but then realized it was a year full of interesting highs and lows. There wasn't just one idea. So I thought I'd talk about memorable parts that still resonate with me today a year later - both high and low.

1. Do you thank him or hurt him

My hubbie took 5 weeks off when our son was born. We both felt strongly that this would allow both of us to bond with our new son. And we were right.

I also thought his time off would be a big help to me. He could make sure I ate, help with diapers, take the baby off my hands once in a while, manage all the family coming from all over to visit, etc. I thought he'd take over running of the household so I could focus on the little man. That was what we had discussed anyways. And while he loved analysing the best way to put on a cloth diaper to minimize blow outs. The reality was that most of this still fell to me. He was there when I needed him to help me, and he did stuff when I asked him. But he wasn't the forward thinking hubbie I dreamt he'd magically become. When given clear instructions he took care of it, otherwise he used his 'downtime' to rebuild the engine in his MG.

What was true was that I had support when I needed it. He was just a walkie-talkie radio call and a hand washing away. And this was very important as I had a really hard time with breastfeeding.

2. Milk stains don't always come out

They said if it was natural and if it hurt you were doing it wrong. So I never expected the pain and conflict in the early days of breastfeeding. And was a bit angry actually when friends told me afterwards that they had had problems too. This is the type of info that is helpful at a baby shower, NOT tasting different canned baby foods. If I had known earlier I would have researched support options before I had problems.

We had problems getting the little guy's latch right early on. And even after we got it right it took a long time for the damage to heal and for nursing not to hurt me. So I spent probably the first 2 months of my son's life walking around the house topless (to let the damaged area be open to the air as much as possible). And we had milk stains everywhere... and I mean everywhere...

I also couldn't wear anything touching my breasts. So I had these little plastic cup like shields that let me put clothes on without actually having anything against my breast. Worked well for when we had guests and to go out on short outings, but it left too long the cups would overflow with milk - usually at the most inappropriate time (like at IKEA where I had to run to the bathroom and empty my cups).

I was so very thankful for having my hubbie around to help me through this stage. In order to help give me a bit of a break we did the late night/early am feeding by bottle. I would pump in the other room while Daddy had some nice one-on-one time with the boy.

Hubbie also held my hand through my cry fests and near panic attacks before feedings. It was an emotional roller coaster for sure. And I'm so glad he had that time to help me through it. Breastfeeding was an important choice to me, and without hubbie having taken those 5 weeks off I know I would have given up.

3. Sleep is NOT overrated

Our guy was always a good night sleeper when he got to sleep. But we would spend hours some nights trying to get him down. He wanted to be held to go to sleep. For naps I'd sometimes be walking/rocking him for close to an hour for him to go to sleep for 20 minutes. My whole world seemed to be about getting him to sleep. I was tired and my knees were killing me. Sleep issues caused more stress and arguments than anything else ever has in our marriage. So we hired a sleep consultant when the little guy was about 5 months old.

After that it was like I had been liberated. Sure I had a schedule to follow, but I knew what to expect on a given day. So I could plan outings for us. And most importantly it gave hubbie and I some time back to ourselves.

4. Wish I had found twitter earlier

I found my mat leave very isolating. Sure the first few months were busy with visitors, but they eventually stop, and your hubbie goes back to work. Then you are alone, with sore boobs, little sleep and very few people to talk to. I went to my local community health nurse group (was the BIG outing in my world for a long time). I spent a lot of time online researching breastfeeding resources, strollers and slings. And of course updating my facebook with pictures of the little man. But I wish I had found twitter and the great group of Mom's I have found there earlier. It would have been so helpful at 3am while I was pumping and hubbie was feeding the baby.

5. Transition to NOT going back to work

This time last year I was organizing daycare and planning my transition back to work. I was looking forward to the adult company and to use my brain in my chosen field again. Unfortunately my position had been eliminated in a re-org and they couldn't find another place for me. So my mat leave was unexpectedly extended. This was a tough emotional pill to swallow. While I loved my son and the time I had with him. I had not enjoyed the isolating, tiring, housework filled day-in day-out rhythm of being at home with my son. I had really been looking forward to going back to work.

The second real hit was the timing of my layoff just weeks before the economy tanked. So a year later I find myself still not working. I have grown a lot as a person in the year since my mat leave ended - but that is another story.

What does this all mean?

The biggest surprise to me as I wrote this, was that I still don't seem to have a sense of humour around most of it. I can usually find something funny to say about myself, but I found little of that in my story above. Okay yeah the idea of me walking around half naked for months or emptying my cups at Ikea is kind of funny. But I had to work to add the humour there.

Staying active with a toddler

Okay so the title is a bit of a misnomer - you never stand still when you have a toddler. And I am constantly running after him, but I'm struggling to find ways to stay fit and active myself.

I've never considered myself an athlete. Even when I was competing in figure skating. I pretty much skated as soon as I could walk. I have pictures of me in skates on ice when I'm sure I couldn't even say skates yet. I probably spent at least 5-10 hours in a rink a week. I took ballet to help my skating. I never went to camp, I was always attending summer 'skating' school. Never felt I missed out as all our friends were also skaters (except maybe at University when I realized how many drinking songs are learnt at camp). I skated for about 18 years. But I never thought of myself as an athlete.

My problem was what to replace that activity with once I quit. At University I never gave it a thought. It wasn't until I was in the work world that I realized I needed something. So I did what every other young person in their 20's does in TO - I joined a gym. Hated the gym, but went. Until I finally discovered salsa. It was a great way to exercise, learn something fun and socialize. When I moved out West in 99 other social dances replaced salsa, finally landing me in lindy hop (swing). In 2000 I added pilates to my life and didn't look back. I will admit to a short stint back at the gym, when I was travelling too much with work to dance regularly. But generally dance became my active outlet.

I met my husband swing dancing. And while we danced less after we got married it was still a big part of our lives. I've never been skinny, but I've always loved activity for exercise to keep my heart healthy and the stress release. And dancing let us be social at the same time. We'd travel to dance - weekends full of live bands, late night dancing, daytime sleeping. LOVE it. I've danced in New Orleans, Chicago, Montreal, Ottawa, Toronto, Seattle, Portland, Victoria, Port Townsend, San Fran and of course Vancouver. I've even attended full week swing dance camps.

Even after I was pregnant I still danced and did my pilates. I was dancing 3 days before I went into labour. And I had to call while I was in labour to tell the pilates studio I wouldn't make my class that night.

Even in the year or so after the little guy was born I planned out time for me to get some exercise. I took up salsa babies. And once a week Dad was in charge so I could go to pilates. Then came swimming lessons instead of salsa babies. And in January I switched things up and tried Nia. It was a great blend of dance, yoga, marshal arts. I loved it.

Then my hubbie had his skiing accident. I couldn't leave him with the toddler alone for several weeks, and then I was trying to balance a bunch of networking, my volunteer work meetings and my hubbie's new schedule and next thing I knew I hadn't done any real exercise in 3 months.

NowI feel grumpy, pudgy and soft in the middle. I know a lot of moms run. But after 18 years of skating my tendons and knees aren't up to running. But I know I need to find a solution to this problem sooner than later. Because it isn't going to get any easier once I go back to work.

My little guy has gymnastics, karate, the park, etc. What about me? Thoughts? Suggestions? Offers of free babysitting so I can go dancing???

Bouncy castles & more weekend fun

We won a family pass for the Agoo Kids Active Day at the Kits rink for Saturday, from @savvymomvan http://www.savvymom.ca/. I had heard a lot of great things about Bobs & Lolo and thought our little guy would LOVE it. Plus proceeds went to Canucks Place. So we packed up the family, failing once again to leave the house before 10:30 and headed off for some active fun.

Our little guy is only 22 months, so when we saw all the HUGE bouncy castles we were a bit concerned about how much there would be for him to do. Especially after he got into the first one and wanted right out again. Thankfully he was just bored and was easily amused in the next one. But most of them were just a bit too big for him to go in by himself. But we quickly figured out that my rather slender husband could easily accompany him into the larger ones and the two of them had a ball. The HUGE slide - with a massive skier on the top, was the favourite. Closely followed by a sort of obstacle course with another slide at the end. They went again, and again, and again. My job - carry all the bags and take pictures. Not a bad gig if you can get it. Not sure who had a better time the little guy or my hubbie. But both naps really well in the afternoon.

The giggle of the day was some of the outfits. Not sure some of the moms did the math when they got dressed that the activities would include a Phoenix gym circuit, helping kids up and down off bouncy castles, and potentially sitting on the floor to watch the show. Although we didn't see any of the men complaining.

Our disappointment was that the schedule was not posted online and the Bobs & Lolo show was scheduled for 2pm, with pix from 12:20 - 1:30. We got around 10:45am. And with a guy under 2 we had about an 1.5-2 hour window before he would tire out. Plus he is ready to nap by 1:30. So we had a great time, but were sad to leave at 12:30 and miss the best part of the entertainment.

Also had a comment from my hubbie about the amount of text messaging & cell phone usage by the staff 'working' on the different bouncy castles. I guess it gets boring watching kids all day, but that is afterall what they are being paid to do.

Kids Farmer's Market

It is funny how you don't go to a place for years and then you are there twice in a weekend. We returned on Sunday to the Kits Community Centre for the Farmer's market. We started with a quick tour around the stalls to discuss what was available, we saw some familiar vendors (we usually go to Trout Lake). So I headed to the swings with the little guy and dad went shopping. Dad did very well, lots of fresh stuff like apricots, summer squash, potatoes, tomatoes, radishes, zucchini, etc. The only downside was he bought a whole flat of blueberries & raspberries. I LOVE me some berries, but I figured a flat is going to be a challenge. After a few hours at home, I'm thinking it might be gone by tomorrow. Call us berry pigs!